DON'T STARTLE THE OBESE

Thought I’d share a funny thing I witnessed. I literally saw an obese woman turn her head – knee jerk reaction, speed of light style, at the sound of a bottle of fizzy pop opening.

True stories, and scary world.

By the by, I could've gone DEEP with the image (just ask GOOGLE), but I decided an element of anonymity would be the most decent thing...

ALL ABOUT THE PAPER (THAT'S DEGREE NOT DOSH...)

So, owing to my ever increasing contact with the world of business and industry, something yet newer is being revealed to me. Examples are always good: take this lady that I have come into acquaintance with. She speaks, and excuse my French here, as though she is as common as fuck and confesses to having little in the way of formal education. Moreover, I noticed that she seems to be unable to correctly say the word ‘specific’ (even when reading it aloud directly) and reverts to saying ‘pacific’ instead. She simply refuses to correctly say ‘written’ where relevant instead of ‘wrote’. And she refers to most words consisting of about 6 letters or more as posh.

Now call me finicky, but these few examples out of the many discrepancies that I noticed, don’t seem as though they should add up to the traits displayed, while actually at work I might add, of a professional. And by professional I mean someone who is employed at a fairly high position in their chosen field, while I am left to wallow in the sea of application forms and covering letters and general apathy from recruiters – actual definition.

So I am led to the conclusion that through probably about 30 years of graft and experience, she has earned her due along with her current position of employment, which indeed is commendable. And so it turns out that all the people who, in my youth, promised me that securing a degree was the only way to make it big, were filthy dirty liars. Thanks guys. Thanks ever so much. Though saying that, I think I’d much rather risk drowning right where I am than set aside any number of decades to make it to where I want to be. Amen.

MONKEYS. SURROUNDED BY MONKEYS.

As the days go by, the word that increasingly, and most readily, falls from my lips, as smooth and effortless as cutting through butter with a hot knife, is "idiot". Now I'd say that I'm a pretty reasonable individual. But you better hold on tight to me and heed my every word because reason seems to be dying out rapidly in our species. And when I say rapidly, I mean that in all of the strangers that I have come to acquaint myself with recently, a shocking few have been reasonable. And the rest? Idiots.

OK, let me clarify this title, for I feel I must assure you that I'm not using the word lightly. Consider this. In my humble opinion, lets say you, a stranger, and me, thepensivebuddha, are at a crossing for example, waiting for the green man to signify that we can cross the road safely. If you, the stranger, look at the button that you need to press if you actually want to the lights to change, see that it hasn’t been pressed, then look elsewhere, like the sky for example, then you are an idiot. Fair, no?

Another example. Let's say you, a stranger, are an employee at some company where your sole role is interface with customers and direct their queries. If you, the stranger, have not one single useful piece of advice, or can not string together one coherent and informative sentence, then you are an idiot. Fairer still, I'd say.

Final example. Let's say you, a stranger, have only just met me in a lecture room for example. If you proceed to tell me about the contents of your urine, then call an innocent woman, who is simply going about her business "so fat" to her face, then push and prod her stomach, then you are a bona fide idiot. (True story by the way).

So please faithful readers, do your best to avoid idiocy - it is the plague of the 21st century, and do not doubt its virility!

And to lighten the mood of this mega rant: THIS SONG makes me smile.

ONE'S OWN SEXY

I love it when I come across wonderful quotes, especially ones about sex appeal. So here goes, some great words from my Action Man.

"You can't be attracted to your own sexy. Otherwise, you'd be a self molester or something".

Wise words indeed.

LIES, BEAUTIFUL LIES.

Dear readers. I have come to a realisation about the world that we live in. A realisation which I have been fighting the truth of for quite a while. A realisation that saddens, and yet buoys me, at the same time. And that realisation is this: in order to get anywhere, to get to that lofty place of fortune and luxury, at some point, you will have to lie.

Now, the budding lawyers and tax evaders amongst you, along with everyone else probably, will not be particularly moved by this revelation. Some of you may even be guffawing even as you continue to read, at my apparent ignorance. But bear with me on this one. As a child and young adult too, the notion has been drummed into me that talent, intelligence and skill will get you everywhere. And I believed it whole heartedly. I was never particularly worried about making it, or making those ‘mills’ as a Mr 50 Cent (or someone of the like) might say. I always assumed I would eventually cash in on the smarts and talents that my grades and general feedback assured me of.

But wait. How is one supposed to make that first tenuous step to riches, power and glory when you’re currently too “inexperienced for that position. Sorry.” How are you supposed to gain all those skills and sweet golden nuggets of vital knowledge? How?! The answer / my latest realisation: lie.

It seems the only way. Now I’m a bright girl. I’ve got some positive attributes under my belt (didn’t mean that literally but take it as you will). And I’m sure I’d read great on paper (i.e. my CV) if under all of that I could list the reams of on the job experience that I’ve accumulated, you know, in between lectures and instead of sleeping! You can’t get a real job without experience, but in order to gain experience you need a real job. And what does this filthy catch - 22 teach us? Life’s a bitch, and the only way to win her over is to sweet talk her with as many lies as you can get away with. You heard it here first. And I expect a percentage when you start making those millions. Thanks very much.

THE BEAUTY OF IMPERFECTION

For all of you who are currently on a voyage of striving for absolute perfection, you are on a fool’s errand. For perfection, as is commonly imagined, is just that - an imagining of the human mind. It is an immaterial thing that resides in the clouds and sands of our minds. Not a thing made of atoms or concrete or human flesh.

In fact, friends, as I have held since I first began pondering the concept of perfection, the most 'perfect' thing can only be imperfect, because we can only deal with the things of this realm. Consider these: The perfect sandwich, delicious in all ways possible, will all too soon be fully consumed and forever gone. The perfect home will only remain as such as long as the ideal family resides within it and can not grant you immortality, so as to forever enjoy and love it. The perfect man will, in time, change and grow as any person should, shifting the perfection of your relationship to some new uneven and unexpected plane.

So following this logic, beauty itself must be imperfect. For imperfection is all there is. The best that there is to offer is imperfect, by necessity of existing in this world.

So, friends. Keep all things in proportion. If someone professes to be better than you, remember we are all writhing in the same pit of imperfection, desperately trying to leap and jump and build towers of Babel to reach that heaven, that Shangri-La, that Perfection.

(Oddly, inspired by Juno - the movie and a glass (or 3) of wine. This combo, quite 'perfectly', brings forth the pensive buddha in me.)

HI SEOUL!

Ok, so Wallpaper* is an on and offline publication that reports on design, interiors, fashion, art and lifestyle, and is generally pretty nifty. I caught onto it when I learned of the creator - a gentleman named Tyler Brûlé who is basically a modern day Midas. The magazine is hailed as an 'iconic global style guide', and to be fair, I wouldn't argue with that.

And now I officially love the magazine because it's reported a story that's made me pretty exited. So I spent a month living in Seoul, South Korea, and fell in love with the city as I'm sure most visitors would. The article describes that the city is undergoing a design orgy, where the apartment block-dominated landscape will be reinvented into a "magnetic urban metropolis".

I've been fervently suggesting to anyone that will listen that they should visit Seoul, and now there is even more reason to see the ancient city reinvent itself as the new World Design Capital 2010.

Check out the article and check out the city, city, city! (Three seperate links, all good sights to learn a lil about Seoul - couldn't think of a better way to get them all in!)